More than Mom’s Pot Roast: The Why and How of Family Dinner
Picture Norman Rockwell, the classic American painter, alive today and commissioned to paint a scene of our generation’s family dinner. Would it be of paper-wrapped peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches strewn on an SUV’s backseat? Or of your young son or daughter trying to swallow a sandwich whole while running on to the soccer field for practice? Would it be of you standing in front of the freezer choosing from an overwhelming assortment of TV dinners? Or would it be of your husband, tired from a long day at work, eating leftovers or take-out alone under a single kitchen light?
I think Rockwell would mourn the decreasing reliance on the family dinner ritual, once a sure way for family to connect and bond. Bill Doherty, University of Minnesota professor and founder of Putting Family First, notes, “The number of families eating together has declined by one-third since the mid 70′s.” It seems the privilege of sharing a daily home-cooked meal has become reserved for a narrow few…perhaps only those who turn off their telephones and televisions and schedule nothing for the early evening hours.
More than Mom’s Pot Roast
The importance of gathering around the dinner table for a home-cooked meal (or even take-out on busier nights) is often underestimated. Sitting down for a family dinner is a habit you want to start early in your children’s lives because it gives you the opportunity to encourage and instill smart choices from childhood into adulthood.
On the whole (and in the long-run), everyone’s diet is healthier with a home cooked meal; you control its nutritional value. You know the importance of Vitamin E and how to make broccoli taste delicious instead of like “The Nightmare.” Atkins experts believe the family dinner is one of the most essential factors associated with children having a nutritious diet. They learn to eat more fruits, vegetables, grains, and vitamin-rich foods. You’ll be giving your children the knowledge they need to make healthy eating choices a habit away from home and in the future.
Not only is the dinner table a chance to encourage your children to make healthy food choices, but you also will be able to help them make healthy lifestyle choices. The dinner table is a remarkable forum for family talk and for discovering what is going on in your children’s lives. Having a block of time set aside to talk to your children allows you to stay updated on their school and social lives. Children’s vocabularies are broadened from exposure to grown-up conversation and when you include them in the conversation, children feel their parents are interested in them and value what they have to say.
Making Family Dinners Fun
Without question, families are finding it increasingly difficult to be together at dinnertime. But, that doesn’t mean they don’t want to be. According to a USA Today poll, 70 percent of working men are willing to give up some pay for time with their families. Making your family unit more cohesive doesn’t have to be out-of-reach. As dinners become a routine part of your family culture, young children begin to feel important because they are contributing and/or being treated as the special people they are. Here are some tested, fun ways to help make family dinner a priority on the whole family’s schedule.
- Double Desserts — Once a month or if you happen to have enough, shock your children by announcing double dessert night.
- Assistant to the Chef — You’ll see more of your child if you enlist his services to fill the breadbasket, carry dishes to the table, fill the salt and pepper shakers, or wash the lettuce.
- Candlelight Dinner — Once every few weeks, put fresh flowers on the table, light dinner candles, and take a moment to express gratitude that you are a family.
- Breakfast for Dinner — Unusual enough to be remembered and especially easy when time is short. Serve a dinner of waffles, pancakes, French toast or another typical morning meal such as bacon and eggs.
- Tuesday-Ben’s Night — Assign each member of the family a night that he is
“responsible” for dinner. Everybody helps with the preparation. Even a four-year-old can take hot dogs out of the package, tear lettuce leaves for a salad or pour chocolate sauce on ice cream.
- What’s Cooking? — Cook something with your child at least once a month- cookies, muffins, cupcakes. Simple recipes and prepared mixes are good choices for children who usually can’t wait to eat whatever they make.
Note: Invest in a children’s cookbook to make cooking more interesting for your young chefs.
- Pizza Party — Buy prepared pizza curst (Italian pizza bread) from your supermarket or only the dough from your local pizza parlor. The children punch down the dough and pull it into shape. Have them spread their favorite toppings and the pizza is ready to bake.
- May I Take Your Order? — Transform the kitchen into a restaurant and assign everyone different roles-owner, chef, waiter, customers, cashier-and the kitchen becomes a learning environment.
- Family AND Friends – Allow your child to invite a friend to dinner once a month. This allows you to form a better relationship with your children’s friends, and your child might be more comfortable discussing issues that arise outside the home if he or she has someone their own age present. This tradition can, and should, be continued throughout adolescence when children are more likely to turn to friends for support than family members.
- Best and Worst– Go around the table and have each person tell you what the best and worst part of his day was. Parents respond, too…
- “Old fashioned” dinners along with “old fashioned” talk go a long way in connecting with children and bonding the family. Prolong the experience with the promise of a board game, more work on a puzzle, or turn on the radio and dance in the kitchen for a few minutes before or after everyone helps with clean up.
Avoiding Dangers Down the Road
By establishing family dinners as a tradition in your household, you are increasing your children’s likeliness of living healthy lives in the future. Recent studies out of the University of Minnesota and The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University indicate that teenagers who regularly eat dinner with their families have healthier body images, higher grades and are less likely to use drugs or alcohol.
“Since society has so much influence on adolescents because of the high prevalence of obesity and the pressure to be skinny, many girls are turning to unhealthy ways of controlling their weight,” says Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, Ph.D., M.P.H., R.D., professor of epidemiology and primary author of the University of Minnesota study. “Prioritizing structured family meals that take place in a positive environment can protect girls from destructive eating habits that can lead to anorexia and bulimia.”
Family dinners can also result in smarter life choices. The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University (CASA) reports that teens eat with their families five or more times per week are almost twice as likely to receive A’s in school. Out of the classroom, these same teens are nearly fifty percent more likely to stay away from alcohol and about thirty percent more likely to refrain from cigarette smoking. “The survey finds that the more often children have dinner with their parents, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use illegal drugs,” said Joseph A. Califano, chairman and president of CASA.
While it may seem difficult, if not impossible, to rearrange the family’s schedule to fit in a solid hour for dinner every night, it is a step that is crucial to the healthy development of your child. So, spread the word that dinner is not optional in your house, and bring the family together on as many nights as you possibly can.
Social psychologist, Susan Newman, Ph.D., specializes in issues impacting parenting and family life. She blogs for Psychology Today Magazine about parenting and her 15 books guide parents and help improve family relationships. Among them: The Case for the Only Child: Your Essential Guide; Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day; Under One Roof Again: All Grown Up and (Re)learning to Live Together Happily. Dr. Newman has appeared on Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20/20, CNN as well as other television and radio shows throughout the country: NBC Nightly News, ABC World News Tonight, FOX News and NPR’s Market Watch, The Takeaway and Talk of the Nation. Her work has been featured in major newspapers in and out of the US including, China, England and Canada. To learn more, visit her at www.susannewmanphd.com.