Aubrey’s Love

Cue the Barry White music, cupids flying through the air and declarations of undying love. Aubrey has discovered boys. There have been a few in the past who have caught her eye, but these days she is a one man kind of woman. Well, not really. She’s more of a two boy kind of girl.

Last week I was scheduled for her parent/teacher conference and we started the day when Aubrey, 6-years-old, and Emma, 4-years-old, climbed into bed with me about 7am. Their daddy had already left for work and Emma said, “I wish my daddy was here. You love Daddy. Don’t you Momma? He’s your boyfriend. Right, Momma?”

    “Yes, he’s my boyfriend,” I agreed without opening my eyes.

    Emma continued to chatter as she named her boyfriend, whom, by the way, has no idea he is her boyfriend and then said, “And Sissy doesn’t have a boyfriend.”

    “Yes I do!” Aubrey yelled.

   This was breaking news. I rolled over and opened my eyes, “You do?”

    “Yes!” She named one of her best friends, who as it happens, is a boy and will heretofore be known as The Love of her Life, so as not to compromise her delicate situation.

   “Really?” I asked. “I thought you were just best buddies.”

   “Oh no, Momma. I love him! I really do.” Aubrey assured me.

   “I see. Does he love you back?”

   “Yes. But I don’t want him to know. I don’t want to be embarrassed.”

    I promised her I wouldn’t tell him as we got up and got ready for the day.

    I attended Aubrey’s parent/teacher conference alone while she played on the playground with The Love of Her Life with his mother chaperoning. You can imagine my surprise when Aubrey’s teacher told me that she had to separate Aubrey from another little boy recently because they were unable to take their eyes off of each other long enough to do any work. Her teachers said, “It was like two teenagers, falling in love and flirting. They had their elbows on their desks, their chins in their hands and they were leaning in towards each other. Aubrey kept giggling. She didn’t even turn over a worksheet to work the back of it, she was so distracted.”

    I shook my head, and was really glad I hadn’t already picked out a china pattern or ordered wedding invitations for The Love of her Life. I walked outside armed with new information and laughed hysterically when I found Aubrey standing in the middle of the playground with her hands on her hips and yelling at The Love of her Life, “Heeeey! Wanna play Chase the Girl? I’m right here! Come and get me!” He didn’t hesitate, he raced after her laughing and just like that she was being chased by the man of her dreams, running, squealing and curls flying.

    When we finally got in the car and were able to get down to the nitty-gritty. I congratulated her on all the wonderful things her teachers had told me then asked her about The Other Man. “Oh Momma, he is cuter than I thought!”

    “But I’m confused, is he your boyfriend too?”

    Aubrey sighed, exasperated at my stupidity. “No Momma. Don’t you remember what I told you this morning?”

    “Yes, you love The Love of your Life. How do you know you love him, though?” I asked, wondering what love is to a 6-year-old mind.

    “Oh Momma, I love the way he laughs… and I love the way he talks to me…” her voice actually cracked, and I, being the romantic sap that I am felt my eyes well up with tears.

    “Oh honey! You really love him don’t you?”

     Aubrey sighed again at my denseness. “Have you been listening Momma?”

     I had been listening, and I’d heard enough to know that my baby really loves her friend for some pretty great reasons, even though she was easily distracted by a pretty face. As far as I can tell The Love of Her Life is totally clueless and she’d like him to stay that way. When I asked her if I could write about her love life this week she replied, “Don’t tell them who he is and I don’t want to talk about it!” So if you don’t mind, play dumb… unless you see them boarding a plane for Vegas, then if it’s not too much trouble, I’d like a heads up.

Robin O’Bryant is a syndicated humor columnist and stay-at-home-mom to three daughters born within four years. She finally figured out where babies come from and got herself under control. Her first book, “Ketchup is a Vegetable and Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves,” is rated #1 by reader reviews on Amazon in two genres: Humor Essays and Parenting & Families. Visit her at Robin’s Chicks to learn helpful tips such as: how to breastfeed behind your back*, how to talk to your daughters about man parts, and how to write a proper gold fish obituary.


*Only applies to lactating women with a DD cup or larger.