By Rosemond Perdue Cranner
7 Habits that will make you happier during your divorce.
Finding a way to be happy in the middle of a divorce isn’t easy. It’s something that you have to consciously work for. Here are some habits that have really helped me be an overall happier person during my divorce. Try one or two and see if they help ease some of your divorce stress and help you find a sunnier outlook.
- Find other people who are going through a divorce.
Find a friend who’s in the middle of divorce too. Find a community online. You will feel much less like a freak when you hear someone else’s tales of woe. And you’ll have someone to text or contact for support to ask “is this normal” when no one else can relate to your divorce drama.
- Don’t stalk your ex on social media.
It’s 2 am and you can’t sleep. It’s easy to try to figure out where he’s been by his Facebook page, but that’s not doing anything but feeding your irrational belief that his life is working out so much better than yours. Which makes you feel like a complete lonely loser. Put your ipad away and go to sleep! Or develop an unhealthy binge watching habit (Game of Thrones, House of Cards, Homeland). Whatever late night online habit you develop, it won’t be as detrimental to your well being as Facebook stalking your ex late at night.
- Have a story ready.
Have a short to the point explanation already worked out for why you are divorcing. People will ask you “but why are you divorcing, you seemed so happy!” Decide beforehand what you are going to say so you won’t just burst into tears and carry on. At a PTA meeting not long after we separated, another parent asked me why we were divorcing. Twenty minutes later as I was sputtering with mascara running down my face, I could not stop myself. I learned. Have a tidy answer already planned out. “We have come to a mutual decision to divorce. Our marriage wasn’t working. We think it’s best for both of us.” If this person wants to know more, they can buy you lunch to get the rest of the story.
- Have another story ready for your kids.
Your kids will ask you so many times, in so many ways. Have a different, age appropriate answer ready for them. If it’s possible, collaborate with your ex to make sure you are both telling the kids the same story.
- Keep a journal.
Write stuff down. I bought those cheap school composition notebooks and scrawled every crazy (and sometimes surprisingly intelligent) thought that I had. Keep them! When you are feeling discouraged, read some of your past entries. Wow. You’ll be amazed to see how far you’ve come, how much you’ve learned and how truly, incredibly strong you are! (I recently read some entries from last year, and what I was going through then. It was good evidence of how far I’ve come.)
- Have at least one of these items in your kitchen at all times.
3) Microwave Popcorn
(This tip is pretty self explanatory.)
- Do something kinda crazy (for you).
If everyone says that “Maria hates to dance.” Prove them wrong. Do something completely out of character. Dance. Speak up. Learn what it feels like to rewrite that narrow definition of who you are. Because who you are is changing. You can be anyone you want this time.
I’m Rosemond, a divorced mom with the best teen daughter on the entire planet. OK, I might be a wee bit biased on that point. In my past life I was an entertainment executive in Hollywood. Don’t get too excited. It sounds way more exciting than it was. Now I blog about divorce for http:// www.huffingtonpost.com/ divorce/ and write about dating, divorce, parenting a teenager, and life in search of the next shoe sale at my blog roundandroundrosie.com. I’ve been featured on BlogHer, Divorced Moms, and Blunt Moms. When I’m not stuck in traffic or obsessing about my hair, I write.